I just seem to keep getting worse. We keep ruling things out, but not finding any thing out. People keep asking me what is wrong. I cant point out any one thing that is wrong, but some days I lie on my bed wondering if I will live to see my daughter go to college next month. I am very weak. My heart is not doing well.
I love my children. They have been through so much all ready. They still need me. My youngest especially. I dont want to think what would happen if I was not here for her. I have gotten her into therapy to deal with everything she has been through.
I am trying to decide at this time if I should go on short term disability while we try to determine what I have. That is part of the problem though.... go on disability for....???? this is so frustrating.
The past two days I have been in and out of consciousness. Heat and rain both seem to impact me negatively. The headaches have subsided. Now it seems I am just dealing with the heart issues. If it is indeed heart issues. This past week I have only worked 13 hours. I still have not been approved for my FMLA. But I can not work, when I can not even be awake.
I know there is a reason this is happening. I have faith my Heavenly Father is helping my through this. I know he has a purpose in this, I see I have been blessed. I had wanted to go back to school to get my Masters but was unable to and was angry over that, but now I see where i would have been in severe trouble if I had. Heavenly Father knows what is going to happen and He does watch out for us. We are so blessed. (even though we are frustrated :))
Sunday, July 15, 2012
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Yesterday was my appointment with the Neurologist. I was really worried about meeting with him. I was afraid of what we were going to find out. He did assure me I do not have MS. That was a huge fear. As I have watched my cousin suffer and lose quality of life with this disease.
My condition is Complicated Migraines. Apparently when I was sick last year, it changed the way my migraines happen. Now instead of only having the normal miserable migraine symptoms, I have stroke like and other neurological symptoms. The biggest ones being sharp stabbing pains in my feet and hands, memory loss, and lack of concentration. I also get numbness. These migraines are very frequent, so he is putting me on a preventative medication.
I get to go see him again in two months and follow up. Now to get through my cardiology appointment.
I am having a really rough day today, probably due to the long trip to the cardiologist. I think my work may fire me, but I have turned in all the FMLA paperwork. I also reached a point about 3 weeks ago, where I decided finally my health is much more important than my job. We are living with my mother so I do have a place to live.
I just wanted to share this news with you. Keep smiling.
My condition is Complicated Migraines. Apparently when I was sick last year, it changed the way my migraines happen. Now instead of only having the normal miserable migraine symptoms, I have stroke like and other neurological symptoms. The biggest ones being sharp stabbing pains in my feet and hands, memory loss, and lack of concentration. I also get numbness. These migraines are very frequent, so he is putting me on a preventative medication.
I get to go see him again in two months and follow up. Now to get through my cardiology appointment.
I am having a really rough day today, probably due to the long trip to the cardiologist. I think my work may fire me, but I have turned in all the FMLA paperwork. I also reached a point about 3 weeks ago, where I decided finally my health is much more important than my job. We are living with my mother so I do have a place to live.
I just wanted to share this news with you. Keep smiling.
Sunday, July 8, 2012
This has been a frustrating year. I am ill. I do not know what is wrong. I am in the process of finding out.
About a year ago, my feet, hands, and face started itching. A kind of deep intense itch I have never experienced before. I decided to get in the shower to wash off what ever was making me itch. I almost passed out in the shower. After laying down for a few minutes, things were not getting better. I went and told mom something was wrong. She drove me to the emergency room. By the time we got there, I was having a hard time seeing. The nurses got me laying down and the blood pressure cuff on me. My blood pressure was plummeting dangerously low. I was admitted for a few days, while they tried to determine what was wrong. They never found anything.
I seemed fine for a month, but then it happened again. It has happened at least once a month for the past year. It has started to become more and more frequent. But I could not pinpoint any one thing.
About 6 weeks ago one of the ladies I work with was experiencing the same symptoms. I knew she was on FMLA for a condition. I spoke with her. She has Chiari Malformation. She explained her symptoms. They sounded very much like mine. So, I made another appointment with my doctor. (Which is a good thing, because I have been going down hill fast.)
I have had to be driven home from work twice because I start to pass out. They would not let me leave before I reached that point, because I had missed too much time. Work was threatening to fire me, for missing so much time.
While getting ready for the appointment, I made a list of my symptoms. While making this list, I realized many symptoms, I had not realized were symptoms, I just thought I was having issues. There were the obvious ones, itching, dizziness, near passouts, low blood pressure, migraines, fatigue. But the not obvious ones included: clumsiness (running into walls, tripping), forgetfulness, lack of concentration, etc.
Once I told the doctor what was going on, he started testing me. They took my blood and urine to check what they could that way. Turned out my Vitamin D was half of what it should be and my Cholesterol was twice of what it should be. But there was still more.
I got my first MRI. Found out I have empty Sela syndrome. (which really is not that big of a deal, my pituatary gland is just almost gone.) I also have lesions on my brain. These could be from migraines, strokes, or a couple of other things.
We made appointments for the Neurologist and Cardiologist. but this past three weeks, my blood pressure and pulse have been all over the place and changing quickly. (from 193/80 to 110/70 or pulse of 99 to 36 in less than 5 minutes. I called the doctor and let him know what was happening. He consulted with the Cardiologist. They performed two more tests, depending on the results of these, they may get my in sooner. One was a 24 hour urine. It came back good. The other was a Holter monitor. I just took that back yesterday, so it may be a week before we know the results.
My appointment with the Neurologist is this week. I can hardly wait to find out what is wrong. I am very frustrated, because I do not even have obvious symptoms, I just dont feel right. I have missed so much work, I am afraid I will get fired. The doctor filled out the FMLA papers, but I have heard they often do not approve them.
I am worried because I still have my children at home. I know they are older, but they still need me and my help. I also have my mother, she is getting older and needs help more often. She does not need to be taking care of me. I am not worried about how I will live. I know there are programs for the disabled. I am worried about having to live in substandard housing. I am worried about not being able to take care of myself and my family. I also worry about finding a husband. Nobody wants someone who they have to take care of. (I know I have passed over a few good guys, because I just knew I couldnt take care of their illness.)
I have faith that things happen for a reason. I know whatever happens we will be okay. However, I am nervous and scared. I am sure i will feel better once I know what I am facing. The unknown it was has me the most nervous right now. Well here's to hoping it all goes well.
About a year ago, my feet, hands, and face started itching. A kind of deep intense itch I have never experienced before. I decided to get in the shower to wash off what ever was making me itch. I almost passed out in the shower. After laying down for a few minutes, things were not getting better. I went and told mom something was wrong. She drove me to the emergency room. By the time we got there, I was having a hard time seeing. The nurses got me laying down and the blood pressure cuff on me. My blood pressure was plummeting dangerously low. I was admitted for a few days, while they tried to determine what was wrong. They never found anything.
I seemed fine for a month, but then it happened again. It has happened at least once a month for the past year. It has started to become more and more frequent. But I could not pinpoint any one thing.
About 6 weeks ago one of the ladies I work with was experiencing the same symptoms. I knew she was on FMLA for a condition. I spoke with her. She has Chiari Malformation. She explained her symptoms. They sounded very much like mine. So, I made another appointment with my doctor. (Which is a good thing, because I have been going down hill fast.)
I have had to be driven home from work twice because I start to pass out. They would not let me leave before I reached that point, because I had missed too much time. Work was threatening to fire me, for missing so much time.
While getting ready for the appointment, I made a list of my symptoms. While making this list, I realized many symptoms, I had not realized were symptoms, I just thought I was having issues. There were the obvious ones, itching, dizziness, near passouts, low blood pressure, migraines, fatigue. But the not obvious ones included: clumsiness (running into walls, tripping), forgetfulness, lack of concentration, etc.
Once I told the doctor what was going on, he started testing me. They took my blood and urine to check what they could that way. Turned out my Vitamin D was half of what it should be and my Cholesterol was twice of what it should be. But there was still more.
I got my first MRI. Found out I have empty Sela syndrome. (which really is not that big of a deal, my pituatary gland is just almost gone.) I also have lesions on my brain. These could be from migraines, strokes, or a couple of other things.
We made appointments for the Neurologist and Cardiologist. but this past three weeks, my blood pressure and pulse have been all over the place and changing quickly. (from 193/80 to 110/70 or pulse of 99 to 36 in less than 5 minutes. I called the doctor and let him know what was happening. He consulted with the Cardiologist. They performed two more tests, depending on the results of these, they may get my in sooner. One was a 24 hour urine. It came back good. The other was a Holter monitor. I just took that back yesterday, so it may be a week before we know the results.
My appointment with the Neurologist is this week. I can hardly wait to find out what is wrong. I am very frustrated, because I do not even have obvious symptoms, I just dont feel right. I have missed so much work, I am afraid I will get fired. The doctor filled out the FMLA papers, but I have heard they often do not approve them.
I am worried because I still have my children at home. I know they are older, but they still need me and my help. I also have my mother, she is getting older and needs help more often. She does not need to be taking care of me. I am not worried about how I will live. I know there are programs for the disabled. I am worried about having to live in substandard housing. I am worried about not being able to take care of myself and my family. I also worry about finding a husband. Nobody wants someone who they have to take care of. (I know I have passed over a few good guys, because I just knew I couldnt take care of their illness.)
I have faith that things happen for a reason. I know whatever happens we will be okay. However, I am nervous and scared. I am sure i will feel better once I know what I am facing. The unknown it was has me the most nervous right now. Well here's to hoping it all goes well.
Friday, October 14, 2011
Amazing
Its amazing. My fears happened. I lost my house. I lost most of what i own. I had to get rid of my pet. I have had to move in with my mother and lean on my family even more. I got a job, making less than I did before I went to school. It is not even what I went to school for. However, I am happy.
Well for the most part I am happy. (I am struggling with hormones right now) I discovered I had an addiction to sex. I have been through the 12 step program and addiction recovery through the church. I have not re-lapsed for over two years. I have realized my Heavenly Father does not hate me, but loves me so much.
My children have grown into such beautiful, strong young adults. I am still single. I am still poor. I dont have the hope of finding a better job or more money anytime soon. I am okay with it.
I hope to be updating this blog more often. I hope to putting inspirational things on here. I want to help other's know life will be okay. I want to help others know life will be okay. Even with our trials and troubles. We will be okay. I need to be around positive people and I hope to be the positive person for other people as well.
Have a great night everyone! Know Heavenly Father loves you!
Well for the most part I am happy. (I am struggling with hormones right now) I discovered I had an addiction to sex. I have been through the 12 step program and addiction recovery through the church. I have not re-lapsed for over two years. I have realized my Heavenly Father does not hate me, but loves me so much.
My children have grown into such beautiful, strong young adults. I am still single. I am still poor. I dont have the hope of finding a better job or more money anytime soon. I am okay with it.
I hope to be updating this blog more often. I hope to putting inspirational things on here. I want to help other's know life will be okay. I want to help others know life will be okay. Even with our trials and troubles. We will be okay. I need to be around positive people and I hope to be the positive person for other people as well.
Have a great night everyone! Know Heavenly Father loves you!
Sunday, August 9, 2009
bitterness
I try really hard not to be bitter. I want to be happy for other people. I have been brought up that way, so I dont know why I get so bitter sometimes...but sometimes I do.
There is this gorgeous lady who goes to church with me. I didnt even know she was single. She is very well off financially, so she can get her hair done, wear designer clothes and afford to pay attention to her looks. She has only been single maybe 2 years. Yet she just announced today she is engaged! Everyone is so happy for her! And of course he is a wonderful man!
It seems the women who have money never stay single long. Those of us who are broke might as well give up ever finding true love.
We have many men who want to have sex with us. I got 3 offers alone this week! I dont want to have sex until I am married, these men know that, yet they still persist!!!!
I am attractive, educated, kind woman. (despite my occasional bitterness) I just want someone to appreciate me for who I am, who will also give me the things my heart needs. I dont want someone I met online who was looking for sex. I dont want someone who is still married. I dont want someone who likes to drink with his buddies more than being with me. Am I crazy?
This too shall pass. I shall be happy and loving and wonderful again tomorrow! I will find my love someday, and if not I am happy with myself. I am an amazing woman!!! Good luck all. I hope you are able to find true love, however, expect me too be just a little jealous! ;)
There is this gorgeous lady who goes to church with me. I didnt even know she was single. She is very well off financially, so she can get her hair done, wear designer clothes and afford to pay attention to her looks. She has only been single maybe 2 years. Yet she just announced today she is engaged! Everyone is so happy for her! And of course he is a wonderful man!
It seems the women who have money never stay single long. Those of us who are broke might as well give up ever finding true love.
We have many men who want to have sex with us. I got 3 offers alone this week! I dont want to have sex until I am married, these men know that, yet they still persist!!!!
I am attractive, educated, kind woman. (despite my occasional bitterness) I just want someone to appreciate me for who I am, who will also give me the things my heart needs. I dont want someone I met online who was looking for sex. I dont want someone who is still married. I dont want someone who likes to drink with his buddies more than being with me. Am I crazy?
This too shall pass. I shall be happy and loving and wonderful again tomorrow! I will find my love someday, and if not I am happy with myself. I am an amazing woman!!! Good luck all. I hope you are able to find true love, however, expect me too be just a little jealous! ;)
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Im just me!
I am a single mother with three children. I have been single for 9 years. I have been in and out of relationships since then. I am not bitter towards men, but am trying to not repeat mistakes I have made in the past. I want to be loved. I want to love a man again. I am not desperate, but I do miss that companionship.
I belong to a religion that frowns on "intimate relations" outside of marriage. So, I try really hard not to do those things, but I am a woman who enjoys those things. Men always seem to want to do them and get upset with me when I wont. Occassionally, I lose control and do something stupid, but then get really frustrated with myself afterwards.
I just graduated from college with a Bachelors of Science. I went to school, so I could support my family. At this time though, I am afraid I am going to lose our home, and everything we own. Finances have been such a struggle.
I have a large, supportive family. I feel sometimes though that I use them too much, and they are tired of me and all my problems.
I just want to use this as maybe a journal for me to get my feelings out there, without burdening someone, or getting them frustrated with me again. Sometimes, I make stupid mistakes. I try to stay optimistic, but there are times even i need to vent.
Have a great day! Hope to see you again.
I belong to a religion that frowns on "intimate relations" outside of marriage. So, I try really hard not to do those things, but I am a woman who enjoys those things. Men always seem to want to do them and get upset with me when I wont. Occassionally, I lose control and do something stupid, but then get really frustrated with myself afterwards.
I just graduated from college with a Bachelors of Science. I went to school, so I could support my family. At this time though, I am afraid I am going to lose our home, and everything we own. Finances have been such a struggle.
I have a large, supportive family. I feel sometimes though that I use them too much, and they are tired of me and all my problems.
I just want to use this as maybe a journal for me to get my feelings out there, without burdening someone, or getting them frustrated with me again. Sometimes, I make stupid mistakes. I try to stay optimistic, but there are times even i need to vent.
Have a great day! Hope to see you again.
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